Attachment

Often times we may feel such an attachment to someone we've just met, but where does that come from? The Relationship Attachment Model or RAM illustrates a greater understanding of attachment.

There are five areas in the attachment process:

Know          Trust           Rely          Commit          Touch

Knowing someone can be shallow, or very deep. If you know someone, this may lead to trust. When you trust someone, you learn to rely on them because you know they'll be there for you. When we know, trust and rely on someone, our attachment becomes stronger. We then can build a commitment to them, and as a result realize that we are very close to this person, whether as a friend, or romantic partner/potential spouse. After the commitment should come that attachment of touch. This creates a physical attachment between individuals.

If someone goes about the attachment process in the wrong order, it can be detrimental to relationships. It may seem easy to cuddle and get physically close in the beginning of a relationship, but do you really know this person? Do you trust them? So often I think the world has a mixed-up idea about true attachment and believes that the "hotter" things get physically, the more attached in every aspect that couple becomes. This just simply is not the case.

This leads to heartbreak ultimately, because the couple did not first get to really know each other, trust each other, rely and then commit to their relationship with that person. This is why following in correct order is so important. It creates a sure foundation that you can build a beautiful relationship on. This is why it is so important to date around and get to know people. When you have built a great relationship with someone, then comes courtship which is ultimately showing commitment to possibly and probably get married to that person. It shows your willingness and level of readiness.

After courtship comes engagement, and then marriage. When the attachment of touch is brought in last, it  creates an even more beautiful relationship because the couple has a foundation of support and true heart-felt attachment. When things are only build physically, it is dangerous and most often times fails.

Always remember to build your relationships in the right way, get to know the hearts and intents of people you really want to be with. Use the Spirit as your guide, and you will feel that confidence in your relationships.