Unconditional Parenting

All around us we see different parenting techniques. I understand it can be really challenging to be a parent, but does it have to be? I know that sometimes it is naturally exhausting, but are there many situations that could be altered or avoided all together by the way one chooses to parent?

In classes I have recently taken, I have learned so much about how to become a great parent. Usually if parents want to change their child's behavior they manipulate them, threaten them, or withdraw love from them. Now they may not realize this is what they are doing, but from the child's perspective it's definitely not very loving. Some examples of these 'behavior changing' styles are time-outs, yelling, spanking, taking away belongings or 'privileges', groudings, etc.

These styles may fix a child's behavior for the very moment, for example you say "If you aren't good, I won't get you that treat". But what does that really do? In reality it teaches the child to become self-centered. They develop a mentality of "What will I get for doing this, and what bad things will happen to me if I don't".

This to me and many research studies, is unconditional love. Let's move from these techniques to putting our children first, and recognizing THEIR feelings. As Horton says from "Horton Hears a Who", "A person is a person, no matter how small".

As we seek to be mindful parents, and communicate in a way that we can understand our child's point of view without chucking punishments in their faces the very second they do something we don't like, there will be more love, unity and trust in those relationships.

Some food for thought:

Instead of being commanding, having negative expectations, moralizing, interrogating, giving advice, focusing on mistakes, being know-it-alls, psychologizing, and being sarcastic, why don't we step back, realize that our children need our love and support (not our disappointment or all of the above). 

Try to be an active listener, respond to your child's feelings, look for alternatives and evaluate the consequences with them, offer encouragement, and follow up on what you talked about later. This helps your child feel that you really care about them first, and are a supportive parent in their stressful life.